How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize