oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
