Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
