They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
