You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
