Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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