I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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