just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
