Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
