Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
