my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
