While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize