she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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