No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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