Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize