Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize