eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less talking, more tequila
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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