A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
