Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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