the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
