I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
