my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
