I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
