remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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