he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
