i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I deserve this hangover.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
