o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My pussy is not your playground.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
