i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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