Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
