um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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