we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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