I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
