I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
