He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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