Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Me too!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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