Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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