apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
