Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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