Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
