Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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