i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
