you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
