Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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