On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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