Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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