Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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