Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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