God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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