If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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