Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
