There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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