Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize