Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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