two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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