So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
