i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
